I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
