you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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