I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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