I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
These tits shall not be calmed
The air taste purple.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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