Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
