Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
