I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
