Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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