Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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