you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
