i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
