I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
