You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
