I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
the raccoons are back...
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