shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
