Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
