Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
