Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
