The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
