Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
