There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
