The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
