I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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