my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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