I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
