In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
