That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
