The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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