why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
