so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
