you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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