I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
