My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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