hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
