Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
