my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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