I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
