I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
