I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
