Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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