am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
