my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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