I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
