Say something about gay babies.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
