can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
