i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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