i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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