Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
