After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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