$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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